Dear Aunt Pam
My Aunt Pam died on Friday from Breast Cancer. I haven't even cried about it front of my husband-to-be yet, that is how extremely private I am. I actually asked him not to even hug me about it so that I could avoid breaking down.
This blog post is in no way shape or form to generate sympathy or attention for myself. However, I owe my Aunt a little bit to honor how big of an impact she had on my life, and with words is how I can do that best. I wish I had written this while she was in Hospice the past couple of weeks, so that perhaps she could have read it herself. But - I know she is with me now, and knows these words I have on my heart.
With her death, and with the death of many others that died too soon from the bitch disease that is cancer, I urge you - I BEG YOU - to go to the doctor. In lieu of your condolences, take the time you would to comment to call your doctor and schedule your physicals. Check your breasts. Get the colonoscopy. Early detection is the absolute BEST prevention from this ugly, painful, dreadful, not-at-all glamorous disease. It CAN happen to you. It WILL happen to your loved ones. Don't pretend it won't.
Dear Aunt Pam.
You have been my closest family member and the one I related to the most.
When I was younger, you kept me looking on point in brand-new school clothes every year with a fresh pair or white Keds on my feet. You bought me the best birthday and Christmas gifts and are probably the reason gifts are my love language even as an adult. I too like to show my love in thoughtful gifts the way you always did. Thank you.
You were always proud of me. You gave me new perspective on what it was like to be a Phillips girl. Especially a driven one with a mind of my own. You encouraged me academically, you helped me with my very first computer and in getting it all set-up. You helped me purchase my very first laptop to take with me to college. You sat proudly at my high-school and college graduations. You did your best to help me with those very confusing financial-aid forms. And let's not forget, how you stressed the importance of getting my taxes done correctly and on time was. Thank you.
You visited every home or apartment I ever lived in. And that list is quite a long one. You and Uncle Doug did your research on every single place I lived to make sure I knew the best way to get there, and to ensure I was living somewhere safe. When my first home was being built, you two walked through it every single week from when it was an empty lot, to a pile of wood, and finally an actual home. You two were more excited for me than anyone else. Thank you.
When I called to tell you I was pregnant, you assured me I would be ok. You knew I was scared, embarrassed, and anxious about telling your very conservative father - my grandfather. You were in that boat years before me, and let me know it was fine. And who cares. You were happy, excited, and supportive. You were thrilled to be a Great Aunt. You showed up at the hospital and proceeded to shower Macy with love and gifts from that point on. And thanks to you, her two favorite things are her Pink Rocking Horse and her Cuckoo clock. Sometimes I don't want to say "thank you" when that horse nays for the 100th time or the clock goes off every hour - but, thank you =). I'm pretty sure those noises will always make me think of you.
When I met Robby and his two sons came into the picture, you welcomed them all with open arms. You made Robby and my step-sons feel like they had been around from jump street. You were the first to welcome them so warmly and to accept them as mine, as your nephews, and as part of this family. You included them, checked on them, cared about them, and couldn't wait to celebrate with us at our wedding. Our wedding in 3 weeks that I know you will be dancing at in spirit. Thank you, so much.
Over the years you weren't afraid to tell me if you thought I was going down a road I shouldn't. You weren't afraid to tell me I was just as nutso or as crazy as you were. You weren't afraid to speak the truth about our family. You threatened us all to stay close even after all the older folks were gone. You were the glue to our entire family. The voice of reason. You did what you thought was best for everyone and honored your Mother and Father even when you didn't necessarily want to. You were an adventure seeker and taught by example that life is too short to sit still and let it pass you by. Go on the trip. Stop and see the sights. Sit on the beach. Eat the food. Have fun. And, most importantly for me, to go to bed - that no one is ever done with it all, and that it can wait until tomorrow. Don't stress. Relax. And seek happiness. Thank you.
Finally, and if I can type this paragraph out without crying it will be a miracle, thank you for marrying my Uncle Doug. He is one of the best men I have ever known. And has been the best example of a husband I have ever seen. He has loved you out-loud for everyone to see. He has chased adventures with you. He has been right by your side even up to your last breath. I knew before I met Robby, that I wanted to marry my own version of Uncle Doug. I wanted to be with a man as happy, as kind, as loving as him. He exemplified marriage vows, and what it means to be a husband, especially in sickness and in health. Because you chose him to be your husband, I chose Robby to be mine. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
This short post is not enough to describe the impact my Aunt Pam had on my life, and our entire families lives. As my Dad's only sister, her loss is a tough one to swallow. We had to watch cancer rob her of the rest of her life, and watch her suffer in pain. I am grateful she is out of that pain, and devastated she is gone all at the same time. Hug your family today - and PLEASE take care of yourself. You get one life. One body. Do all you can to take care of it.
xo-Ava
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