Lessons I'm Learning at 30

 

I'm halfway through year 30 and it's like my mind has found uncharted territory.  People always say you gain new perspective in this decade and truly, there are quite a few things that simply never sank in before that are just starting to sink in now.  I've realized how gullible and naive I was in my 20s, and how much time I wasted not knowing these 5 things I've listed below.

1. Treat people the way you want to be treated - even when they don't treat you that way. 

And trust me, they won't.  And at some point, this stops being shocking.  You stop saying "Why are they treating me this way?" The fact is - you can ONLY control the way you behave, you cannot control anyone else.  The Golden Rule is, "treat others the way you want to be treated"- it doesn't end with "unless they treat you poorly", so don't stop being kind, no matter what.

2. Not everyone is going to like you - and you can't do didley-squat about it.

This one was tough. I like to be liked. I think of myself as a nice person that generally gets along with most people. It's finally sinking in that no matter what my opinion of myself is, other people will interpret my words and actions however they want to, and will form their own opinion of me; and I can't, and shouldn't, try to control it. Trying to do so is mentally exhausting and only stresses me out more. Just move on.

3. Don't try to take care of people that don't want taken care of. 

I consider myself a problem solver. This doesn't sound like a bad quality.  BUT I've found myself in many-a-situations where I wondered why someone wasn't more grateful to me for what I had done to help them. Come to find out, they never wanted my help! I was sticking my nose where it didn't belong, wasting my time, and annoying people. Mind ya business. People will ask you for help if they need it. You can let them know you're available if they need you, but other than that, stay in your lane and worry about your own problems.

4. Your kids are their own person. 

I think it's common knowledge that when children become teenagers and adults they are their own person, but it never occurred to me that even at 3 years old they are who they are.  You can guide them.  You can give them structure.  You can give them church, praise, rules. But at the end of the day, you can only hope they take the lessons you teach them at home and apply it everywhere else.  With a blended family we share our children with their other parents on top of schools, daycares, coaches, etc.  We have zero control over what they do when they aren't with us. We do our best and try to be good parents, but at the end of the day, our children are their own individuals.

5. You don't have to understand people.

This one took a therapist to drive the message home. Wasting time trying to learn WHY someone is the way they are or WHY they do the things they do literally is not beneficial to you - at all. Spending your brain power trying to predict the unpredictable, is wasted brain power.  Focus that energy on yourself.  On being the best person you can be.  People can be whoever they want, behave however they want, and think however they want.  You truly don't have to care.

The overwhelming theme here, my fellow control freaks - you cannot control ANYTHING or ANYONE other than yourself. So do that. Do it well. Use your energy to be a better person. Do YOUR thing, be happy, and let's have a happy decade of new lessons to be learned.

xo-Ava